So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
