dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
