Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Randomize
