i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
