you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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