I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Randomize
