A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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