I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
