she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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