soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
