It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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