she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
After tacos, we're chasing women.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Come on in and take your pants off
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize