You're so nebulous sometimes
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Randomize
