Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Are my feet made of real feet?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
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