Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I see more hoeing in ur future
We smell like vodka and hangover
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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