just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize