my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
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