I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
