Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize