I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Randomize
