I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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