"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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