We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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