I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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