hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
