Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
