I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
