Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
