I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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