***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
