I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
