Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
