i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
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