Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
