i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
