I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
