pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
