wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
