Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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