My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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