Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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