he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
