girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
