after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
My bed smells like the plague
He shit in the fireplace
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
