If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
