Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
