Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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