as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
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