Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize