So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
her facebook's as public as her vagina
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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