i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
