if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
