bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Enjoy the penises
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
