I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
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