She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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