Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
