the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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