I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
