she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
