his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
