Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
