Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
