Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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