Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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