I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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