escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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