Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
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