He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize