Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
