You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
